Young Boys Wankdorf Erection Relief

IK - A real news story I just found:

Young Boys Wankdorf erection relief

BERN, Switzerland, July 31 (Reuters) - The supporters of Young Boys Bern have not had too much to celebrate in the 19 years since their team last won the Swiss league title.

Long since eclipsed by the likes of FC Basel and Grasshoppers Zurich, the club from the Swiss capital has even got a reputation for enjoying its status as a perennial loser.

But this weekend Young Boys sought to shake off their old image by officially opening the 32,000 Stade de Suisse Wankdorf stadium -- which cost 350 million Swiss francs ($271.3 million) -- with an uncharacteristically flashy homecoming party.

'I'm extremely happy, because I'm convinced this is the stadium from which Young Boys can finally launch themselves back into sporting success,' Swiss president, and Bern native, Samuel Schmid told spectators just before Saturday's show got underway.

Looking on as acrobats, musicians and dancers took to the pitch, the stadium's private investors gladly shared Schmid's enthusiasm while insisting the financial viability of the overall complex does not depend solely on the team's success.

'We have learned a lot from the multifunctional stadium at FC Basel,' stadium board president Benno Oertig told Reuters.

'When you look at the total investment, it's clear that we had to have other sources of income than just the football, which is why we have a supermarket, shops, offices and even a school included in the complex.'

'But of course the performance of the football club will have an important knock-on effect.